what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
