I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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