he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
