I'm laying in your front yard are you home
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
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