Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
