I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
