I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
