So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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