and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
