That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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