Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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