Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Every concussion has its silver lining
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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