I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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