If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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