here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
