My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
