woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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