I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
