I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
