I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
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