i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
