I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
