Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
