I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I need to stop coming to work sober
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
