Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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