Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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