Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
