i was rollin on her like bob the builder
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
