No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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