i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
