wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
