if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
