At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm always down for nudity.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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