FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
