I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
