You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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