i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
