i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
