Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
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He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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