i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
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so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
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I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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