Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
