Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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