You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
