I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
