trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
