Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
