you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can't turn off my feet"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
