I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
