Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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