I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
