dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
