Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
