...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
