When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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