i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
