I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
