Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(616): View more from Michigan

And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.

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(630): View more from Illinois

i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.

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(773): View more from Illinois

Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(605): View more from South Dakota

Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?

(1-605): View more from South Dakota

No. It just means your good at giving head.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...

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(613): View more from Ontario

Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.

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(+61): View more from Australia

It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"

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(775): View more from Nevada

I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do

(1-775): View more from Nevada

So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.

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