Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night

(586): View more from Michigan

2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street

(586): View more from Michigan

3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call

(586): View more from Michigan

So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you

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(586): 1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night (586): 2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street (586): 3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call (586): So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you http://tfl.nu/crcb

Replies (8) Good night (1704) Bad night (456)
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(650): View more from California

you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!

(1-650): View more from California

noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!

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(650): you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish! (1-650): noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish! http://tfl.nu/qi3r

Replies (86) Good night (3687) Bad night (1461)
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(480): View more from Arizona

This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.

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(480): This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner. http://tfl.nu/bzec

Replies (9) Good night (3986) Bad night (824)
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(716): View more from New York

honey bunches of taint.

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(716): honey bunches of taint. http://tfl.nu/msqz

Replies (11) Good night (1038) Bad night (2715)
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(847): View more from Illinois

She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.

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(847): She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing. http://tfl.nu/qwo3

Replies (15) Good night (2134) Bad night (4260)
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(310): View more from California

When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth

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(310): When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth http://tfl.nu/ve5l

Replies (17) Good night (4593) Bad night (988)
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(530): View more from California

Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.

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(530): Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe. http://tfl.nu/c8em

Replies (14) Good night (6271) Bad night (1563)
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(303): View more from Colorado

If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take

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(303): If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take http://tfl.nu/wz90

Replies (23) Good night (1221) Bad night (4905)
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(516): View more from New York

This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me

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(516): This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me http://tfl.nu/3xgn

Replies (20) Good night (2122) Bad night (3770)
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(660): View more from Missouri

what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?

(816): View more from Missouri

um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan

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(660): what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate? (816): um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan http://tfl.nu/0tla

Replies (11) Good night (7857) Bad night (1105)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.

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(405): It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls. http://tfl.nu/gobu

Replies (6) Good night (711) Bad night (1750)
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(+61): View more from Australia

I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world

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(+61): I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world http://tfl.nu/cuud

Replies (1) Good night (833) Bad night (431)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.

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(780): I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore. http://tfl.nu/qn6g

Replies (27) Good night (478) Bad night (3478)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.

(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.

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(651): I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant. (715): I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40. http://tfl.nu/ewh2

Replies (3) Good night (618) Bad night (403)
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(404): View more from Georgia

All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready

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(404): All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready http://tfl.nu/n5jr

Replies (2) Good night (1369) Bad night (250)

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