And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.