I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.