You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
