I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
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i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
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She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.