This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us