Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
At least life still wants to fuck me.