Michael Bay diarrhea
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
