You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize