Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
