so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so explain again why im purple
no
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
