Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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