just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
