i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
