So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
