An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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