Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
