I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
