You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
