whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
