come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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