I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
