I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
