I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She said her name was "party"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
